a bit confusion

Bokee almost drives me crazy. After spending an hour or so writing my first experience in the TV station, with a sense of sucess I click the summition button and it did appear on the web. However, the second time I try to visit it, it disappears~~~This thing happens for the second time, and I think I have developed a kind of nervous everytime I log in ,worrying that my brainfruit will be destroyed by this ridiculous bug.

Starting from that, things seem not that clear to me-I mean the mindset-rather than my study.My work goes pretty well, essay of IMS has been finished;Feiyiming is almost finished. I am not crazy or out of mind, just cannot figure out what I really want or what is most suitable for me-the career ahead. Friends keep hunting job and fighting for a brand new start. I have another year in Xiamen, most of time will be idling. Doubt on the necessity or the value of a MA study in China growing all the time. I will never have my kids for high education in China. Somewhere in my mind, I know that NGO is where my enthusiasm lay. However,in term of salary it will not be an apopriate starting point for a career, esp the expensive life in Shanghai.How can I make the balance? Anyway, any opportunity about NGO can not be missed.

Second confusion is about the responsibility for my dear dad and mom. It is really a hard time for them to bring me up. I have a guilty for not spending more time with them those years, fulfilling the duty as a daughter, but dipping the blood of them. If my future career is not in Xiamen my guilty will be expanding.

Also there are third, four...May be I need a truly heart to communicate with me, listen to me ...